Zooweemama

My Fav Songs

Some Shows I Like

I would love to learn the piano and violin, they are such beautiful instruments but quite tedious to learn and require years of practicing, and i dont think my need to be immediately good and everything alignes well with this. However, it would be an amazing career move in live music to know the piano. I would also love to be able to sing so I can not onl do solo gigs but also have double vocals in Orchid.

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I don't think I want to kill myself. I don't want to die at least from cancer, if i were to die, I would want it to be quick and (relatively) painless; my ideal, something I've been thinging about a lot recently, would be to invent or get my hands on a time machine and go back to prevent my birth. I'm not sad, but I'm not happy either. It's as if I don't feel anything, I'm actively pushing my friends away, I don't want to be home but I don't want to be anywhere else either. I want to dissapear. I want to go somewhere where no one knows me and start everything fresh, not talking to anyone I know now, other than maybe my mum. I love my mum but she would be a reminder of everything I'm missing, same goes for my older sister. I think I pushed my younger sister too hard and I don't know what to do, I love her but she hates me and I wish I was born normal with a normal brain and a normal personality. Mental health awareness has gone too far in my correct opinion; now days if you tell someone you're depressed they'll respond with a "OMG me too!" in a happy demeiner, but it's never "oh no that sucks man" depression is a very serious illness, more serious then most realise. I could tell everyone I'm depressed and they respond with banter and dark humour, then if I were to commit suicide tomorrow its "I had no idea she was struggling like that. I think that sucks the most, no one taking these things seriously and treating them like a it a normal thing to be constantly daydreaming about being in a fatal car crash or getting randomly murdered on the street. everything fucking sucks. i dont have the energy anymore. i want to quit my job and do nothing. I wish I never got older, moving out is scary, everything is changing right when I was getting happy for the first time in my remembering life. and there goes the arrow of time, it doesnt give a fuck.

I'm too self aware and it may be ruining my life. What's the point of life man? We evolved from monkeys and should be nothing more, but we got too smart and now we have a few guys that run our whole nation, start wars that they don't fight in, and control everything and everyone. Why did we become so inteligent. Why Us? How did we discover what everything ever was made of? whats the point of that? what am I supposed to fill my day with? Meaningless hobbies? Spending my life savings

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An episode to my Favourite show (one of the at least) Click Here

fav songs

  1. toxicity, System of a Down, but in a brass band
  2. Prison Song, System of a Down
  3. H.O.O.D, Kneecap
  • I HATE RICH CUNTS, MUDRAT